So Friday January 2, we headed to the airport about 4:15 and I thought I was going to be strong. But as soon as we walked into the airport I couldn't stop the tears. Ken checked in and then we stood at the security for a little bit. I just held onto him tight and didn't want to let go. So many things were going through my head. How do you say goodbye to someone you love more than anything for so long and being aware there is a possibility this is the last time you will ever feel his arms around you? I don't know either so I just told him that I loved him, to be safe, and to hurry home. I waited and watched him go through security and then he turned and waved and was gone. It was a blur of tears getting back to the car. I worried if I had been able to hide the pain well enough so he wouldn't worry about me while he is gone. He will have so much going on and the last thing I want is for him to be worried about how his poor weak wife is back home. I wonder if he knows just how much I love him and will it be enough to get him through this tough road ahead.
Is that last kiss going to be our last kiss? Was it good enough to show him just how much I love him and will miss him? Is it enough to help him get through the lonely nights? Will I be able to remember how he smells and the sounds of him breathing, the ways his arms feel wrapped around me and all the little things that give me butterflies? Now you all need to know that Ken's job is probably one of the safest things he could be doing over there. I am sure that he will be perfectly safe and may not even ever have to see any fighting. But as sure as I am about that logic, I can't stop the fear of the possibilities that come with going to war. Now don't worry I am sure that I am stronger than I think I am and I am sure to find out either way!! I really am doing well and staying busy helps. The nights are the hardest and as sick as it sounds I don't think I can wash Ken's pillowcase until he is home!! So it is a long road ahead but I am so glad it is only until August as many tours are alot longer. I will probably post some more rantings as the months go by as it is good therapy. I always feel better after I have said things outloud so bare with me:) Here's hoping I can be as strong and brave as my husband and live to deserve him. So pray with me that he stays safe and comes home soon!
Dating yourself & Me time
3 weeks ago
5 comments:
I am so sorry! If you need anything I am here for you!
becca, i have NO IDEA what it must feel like, but i am pretty sure i would be a complete disaster! you have every right to express your concerns on here and be scared. you are one of the toughest girls i know, hands down. oh, i will pray for you guys. hang in there. hopefully that time will just fly by. keep yourself busy girl. i am here too. seriously, i am here, all day, all night. just home with the kids. utilize me.
Bec, I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I too have no idea what it is like to feel the way you do right now. Just remember you have so many friends and family that cares about you and want the best for you and Ken. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need more get togethers just let me know and I will make arrangements to hang out.
Oh my gosh becca! I didnt know he had to leave till August. You are a such a strong girl. I will keep you both in my prayers. If you need anything let me know. I know you will get through this. Stay busy and positive, and if you ever feel bored or need something to do, I have a house full of crazy kids, you can come hangout with me!! I love ya!
I too am sorry that you have to go through that. But just know that you both are always in my thoughts and prayers! If you ever need anything, even though I live years away, please let me know! We have an extra bed, if you are ever bored and lonely, (and possibly sick of the fam.) We would take great care of you!
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